Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you never un-have a 4some
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
