there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
