You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
