i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
