i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
