2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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