There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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