As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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