I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
