just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
