Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
