tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
