My pussy is not your playground.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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