I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
