dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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