You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
