You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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