its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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