don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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