I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
