I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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