I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
cat food counts as protein by the way
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
