We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
