Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize