My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
