I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize