if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it wasn't lemon gatorade
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
