when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
