his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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