guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
