I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
