Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
