I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
