I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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