i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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