dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
