I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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