somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
