I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
