I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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