just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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