somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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