Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
