I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
