My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
