sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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