Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
