Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
bring money and cleavage
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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