ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
