I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
