I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
id be glad to
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
