Well douche your snatch and let's go!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
