I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
