I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
