I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So drunk its hurt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
