Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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