I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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