Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fuck appropriateness.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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