u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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