Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
