I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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