I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
only if we run a train.
done.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
