I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
