I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just had sex on a roof
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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