The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
