her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
