Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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