Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need a beard to bite.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize