What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
