Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
