so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
