I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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