"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
