so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
