Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
